Ebb and Flow

Has it really been five months? Time has flown by and dragged on since Liam and I ran, barefoot in the sand, along Australia’s southern beaches. We chased seagulls, beheld sunsets, and dipped our toes and spirits in the salty waters of my homeland. No matter the years that had passed in the meantime, still the waves ebbed and flowed, crashed and withdrew; kissing the shore as faithfully as it always had and always will. 

Home. 

Since our return, a new life -  a fresh gift - has been growing within me. Approaching 23 weeks, this little one, already dearly loved, has been swimming in her own home.

She flips and turns and dances within me, soaked in a bath of water so rich it holds her life.

Already, she requires everything of me, and the “me” that is left to function sometimes struggles to keep my head above water (and I often find myself with my head over the toilet). The fatigue this time around has been crushing, like a weight pinning me to the couch. Thankfully, winter rarely beckons us outside, and our schedule is flexible and manageable. But, couch living can be hard on the mind. Even if they are out of my eye line, I still can see the piles of dishes or piles of laundry, taunting me with their needs. I see my son, precious and growing, and I imagine all the activities I should be doing with him, teaching him, and encouraging him in play and imagination. Instead, some days, all I can offer is a soft place to land for cuddles and a whisper of love in his ear.

The guilt, the pressure, the desire, is to DO more - to BE more. 

So, I ask my Father, what do you require of me?

And in my spirit, I hear Him speak two ancient words:

“Come to me, you who are weary, and I will give you rest” and

“Go make disciples in all the world.” 

Come and go. Ebb and flow. 

The Father is a place; He is home, He is the shore. We come in and go out from Him. 

He beckons, He draws us near, He carries us, and then, He sends, He commissions, He releases. 

And like the tide, we are never disconnected from our source. We are not sent out to be apart from Him. He lives within us. He never leaves us. 

And so, we come and go. Ebb and flow. 

Each of us responding to the season, to the call; to the still, small voice within us. 

So, as hours pass - as my body makes the holy demand on me to rest and grow this precious new child - I give in to the ebb. I obey the beckoning to rest. I disobey the guilt. I rebel against the pressure.

I let myself come to the Father - I let myself come home. I watch the tide and let it teach me. Every day of my life is a new learning to come and go. The wind and waves obey Him.

And yes, so shall I. 

And when He releases me, my body will be ready, it will obey the flow, it will be empowered to go.